25 Life Lessons I’ve Learned in 25 Years

Today is my birthday. Twenty-five years of existence. A quarter of a century has gone by since I popped into the world. The first thing I did on this planet was urinate all over my mum and my life journey has continued on a similar trend since. What better way to celebrate than a blog post where I force twenty-five life lessons down your throat. Did anyone ask for it? Nope. But most of you had no choice in meeting me either, so tough.

As I scoff Weetos straight out of the box, impatient for my dinner that’s cooking, I reject that idea that your school days are the happiest of your life. My student days were amazing, but again, not the best years of my life. If I had to call my happiest period, it would be the here and now. Do I think I have completed life or have any idea what even the next year holds? Not a chance. But I have Weetos and a list of some lessons I learned along the way:

1. Physical and mental health are inseparable and intertwined. If you neglect one you are neglecting both.
2. It’s breakfast, lunch and dinner. Anyone who calls any of those meals “Tea” is dodgy.
3. Take your sick days and holiday allowance. Nobody will thank you for skipping either.
4. Bolognaise Pizza from Boulevards in Morpeth is the best going. I’ve been to Bologna, the origin of bolognaise, and I’m calling it.
5. Long-term consistency beats short-term intensity. On a similar note, discipline and routine will get you a lot further than motivation.
6. Never stay too long in one job. You either become bitter or people become bitter about you.
7. “Fuck the poets of the past, my friends. There are no beautiful suicides, just cold corpses with shit in their pants and the end of gifts.”- Anonymous.
8. “Shy bairns get nowt”. If you want something, you will have to be loud about it.
9. Learning about the five love languages will strengthen every friendship and relationship you have https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
10. The danger of a single story- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9Ihs241zeg
11. Become a wizard at Microsoft Excel. It’s the closest you’re ever getting to Hogwarts. Plus it’ll help in any job you do.
12. “We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.”- Anais Nin.
13. If you want to give up smoking throw the lighters and matches away. You’ll get more annoyed at having to buy new lighters every time you crumble rather than the cigarettes.
14. Scrambled eggs are the best way of having eggs, but they need to be RUNNY.
15. Having a core group of family and friends in your life matters. If you don’t know who they are, you will in a time of crisis.
16. There is no shame in liking something popular. Whether TV, music or books, there’s no right or wrong.
17. Seeing a child grow up, develop and learn is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Watching my nephew grow is pure creation.
18. Travel is great, but it is more than a checklist. The best stories I have are because of the people I’m with rather than just the things I’ve seen or number ticked off.
19. If you’re lucky enough to have parents who are good people stay in touch. Sometimes it’ll be more about them, sometimes more about you, but it is never wasted time.
20. Politics is perception. The reason politicians debate isn’t to prove their opponent wrong, it’s convincing those watching from the sidelines.
21. It’s the duty of an excellent storyteller to see a stupid and dangerous idea through to the end.
22. Don’t take life too seriously and get emotional about insignificant things. You’ll be dead soon and so will that old lady who jumped the queue in Sainsbury’s. Especially her.
23. Always check your sources and question everything. Who said the statement, why, and how good the quality of information is. A Google search is becoming the quickest way to judge whether a person is worth listening to.
24. Never stop learning. Recently I learned about passive voice/active voice as well, what the hell an adverb is. Still trying to figure out Brexit.
25. You’ve finished reading twenty-five lessons from someone twenty-five years old. Take them, and any advice you get, with a pinch of salt. Instinct and experience get you further than quotes and other people telling you what to do.

I would like to give a special shout-out to anybody who has helped me over the past twenty-five years. Especially my family who got the full works of involuntary pooping, crying and tantrums. That was just over Christmas.

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